Troller Ball Part 3

For Melanie...

Human tendencies are often destructive.

Vonnegut said ‘human kind is running out of time. My guess is that we will not disarm, even though we should, and that we really will blow everything up by and by.’

He further suggested that perhaps we were put here for that purpose- to wipe every hint of life from the face of the planet- when he said;

"It may be that we were put here on Earth to blow the place to smithereens. We may be Nature's way of creating new galaxies. We may be programmed to improve and improve our weapons, and to believe that death is better than dishonor. And then, one day, as disarmament rallies are being held all over the planet, ka-blooey! A new Milky Way is born. Perhaps we should be adoring instead of loathing our hydrogen bombs. They could be the eggs for new galaxies."

Vonnegut was also a noted manic depressive.

Or perhaps even a famous Troll.

For this pessimistic, defeatist stance might be less a sign of mental illness, & more a sign of the Troll at work in our psyches to prepare us for our inexorable doom- our black manifest destiny.

“The human race is doomed.

Why fight it?”

When Christians speak of the devil…

Donald Duck’s 'evil' self…



We speak of the Troll.

Like the trickster- he is an amusing, puckish little character at times.

And that- of course- is part of the creature’s devious design.

He appeals to…something in our nature.

But his intent is sinister.

Like Gollum, looking for his precious…

He seeks to disrupt.

Even kill.

Spirits.

Feelings.

Possibilities of meaningful interaction with other people.

The Troll is the one who whispers in my ear that trying to relate to other human beings is folly.It is better to fuck with them.

As Goethe expressed in ‘Hypochonder’;

“The devil take the human race!

Enough to drive you crazy!

Time and again I swear to God

I’m finished! Through! With people.”

Who at one time or another- possibly even constantly- has not felt this very same way about other human beings?

Who amongst us cannot understand this frustration??

And yet, is the frustration not with US as much as them?

Are we not all connected?

Is the‘WE’ not INSEPARABLE from ‘they’?

Is destruction as a means of assuaging our frustration with people/self what we really want?

Not what I want.

If we are doomed- I want to be the one fighting for a future for your children.

The cultish poetic allure of self-destruction is just TOO self-indulgent- even for me.

Which is why I seek- over the next few blogs- to show how I drew him out; he who seeks to destroy others…and in the process…me.

Just as it is important to acknowledge our inner Nazi- we would also do well to come to terms with our Inner Troll- in order to rectify his toxic tendencies.

For how can we hope to fix our planet, if we do acknowledge and fix the deleterious aspects of our own character?

This is what I decided to do last week.

Hopefully to understand him a little better, the subtle ways in which he can draw me toward destructive tendencies on the Internet…and in the outside world…

& what can be done to exorcise him/them.

& who knows; you might find you share a similar inclination.

First task…to understand him.

Infant Isle

I think it is fairly obvious I have a pronounced light and dark side. 

There are times I am flip and gay- other times dark and brooding. 

I have never made a secret of my duality. 

I have always had it.  It is not new.

I remember as a young man, I performed at a school concert, wherein I delivered my first comedy monologue- & then rendered a heart felt version of Eric Clapton's 'Wonderful Tonight'. 

The coalescence of these polar opposites jarred some audience members...

& yet they made perfect sense to me. 

Even today- I fail to see how this dichotomy can be problematic- even in the face of those who have sought to have me committed for it. 

Schizophrenia?  I have not been diagnosed as such. 

Might just be who I am. 

And any anxiety I might manifest in wrestling with my nature might come from the futility of my attempt to reconcile these opposites- here and in the real world- when in reality, perhaps I ought not fight them- but celebrate them.

However, on this occasion, I will make special note of the duality in my nature to herald the acknowledgement of the serious nature of the following post.

This is indeed serious, Mum.

This short piece is dedicated to those who have lost an infant.

My heart goes out to you today.

A memory popped into my mind this morning- unwelcome as death in the family- from my distance past; some memories have scant regard for subtlety, or etiquette.

I was reminded of something I thought dead and buried, from my time as a Police Officer. 

I remembered the occasion I was called to attend a report of a death. 

My partner and I greeted the ambulance officer outside, shaking his head, 'no'.

We met a distraught couple at the front door of their house.

We were ushered into their bedroom, to find a baby in the bed, wrapped in a blanket.

Dead.

The parents had apparently gone one toke over the line- left the child in a sleeping blanket on high...

and the infant had cooked to death. 

I am not going to dwell on the whys and wherefores.

But I will say...I never quite got over this.

I can only speculate why a dead infant is sadder than any other death.

But for me...I think it might have something to do with another soul who never got a chance.

Perhaps I connect with the notion of something that has died in childhood.

Lost hope, lost opportunity.

A symphony lost.

A cure for cancer never authorised.

This might have been the one person to save the world.

Gone.

Snuffed from existence by parents who sought oblivion for themselves.

bequeathed to their dead child.

legacy extinguished.

Over.  And out.

Today- all day- I think of the parents who have lost a child.

This is something one never quite gets over.

This child was not my child.

And yet- it haunts my memory as if it were.

I feel responsible; as if it were somehow a failing in me.

Now...this will never make up for my failings- whatever they might be- but today...

AND ALL DAY...

I will be thinking of all the parents who have lost a child.

My heart goes out to you.

The omnipotent being of your choice bless you and keep you...

xo JWA

    

Troller Ball Part 2.

OK. So we established I’m pretty sure I have Trollish tendencies.

But a Troll is no big fat scary deal.

Just as a 'Homosexual' is not automatically a 'Paedophile'- a 'Troll' is not automatically, say a 'Hacker'.

The fear driven inference is all.

He’s not so scary at all, when you look at him up close.

I kinda’ like my Troll.

You just have to get to know him- rather than sit in a huddle like terrified villagers, too scared to take him on to get to other lands for fear of getting’ ate.

And the best way to know him- is to understand the extent to which his tendencies are merely a magnified version of our own darker inclinations.

‘He’ is ‘we’.

Not ‘that Troll’ over there’- not separate. (Ie: ‘not ‘that Nazi over there’.)

For, if I understand him correctly the Troll is related (distant or otherwise dependant on your understanding of him) to our inner ‘Nazi’- who I have blogged about in the past.

http://evolvingsoulsclub.blogspot.com.au/2012/05/little-nazi.html 

‘Nazi’ as ARCHETYPE, that is – the mythos rather than the reality- applying to someone who exerts fascistic, controlling, right wing tendencies over another.

‘You took my parking space, you Nazi’.

‘No soup for you!!’

Can be funny.  Because we all know him- & have been him.

The Troll- like our Nazi- is an archetypal personification of our mischievous nature.

But is a Troll really as bad???

Back to the definition briefly.  someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room, or blog, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.

Is this really such a bad thing?

Even in its worst case manifestation- where the Troll is said to be "a person who defaces Internet tribute sites with the aim of causing grief to families."

Does this not say more about inadequate security than the Troll?

Case in point; let’s says there is a Michael Jackson Tribute Site.

Let’s say, I decide to leave a comment expressing my outrage at all the adulation showered upon a child molester who can sing.

Am I a Troll?  Maybe.

Am I wrong?  Arguable.

Would it matter if he was not famous?

If I left such a message on a tribute site for a rape victim saying something like, ‘oh, the way she was dressed she was asking for it’…

Sure, it would be rude and inappropriate…

      
But wrong?

Illegal?

Would it matter how many times I left the comment?

Surely I would be blocked?

And what about stalking?

Is ‘Stalking’ and ‘Trolling’ the same thing?

At law, no; stalking is an offence.

‘Trolling is not an offence’.

The distinction is probably best argued by smarter heads than mine.

And I am not a stalker.  Had I been…I would know about it.

It is pathological, and unlike the Troll…seldom stays hidden for long.   

I never stalk.

Once I am dumped, dropped, de-friended or blocked…

That is the end of it.

For me, rejection is my natural state of being from childhood.

Why would I resist an affirmation of what I know to be where I belong?

So I have never stalked.

But I am pretty sure I have trolled.

I think many more of us have than are prepared to admit.

The more actualised amongst us might acknowledge him, & have found a way to live with him.  Others live in denial.

Some suggest that being a Troll might be a personality disorder. 

Anyone here longer than a few days knows that people with personality disorders on the net are rife. As I have said in the past- being human may arguably be a personality disorder, given the way we are destroying ourselves.

So why is ‘Trolling’ any more heinous than what seems to be a fundamental pathological toxic human obsession?

Is it not Trollish to deny this reality that sits like a turd in our bath-tub?

Troller Ball.

I got in touch with my inner Troll, this week.

A month ago I did not know what a Troll was other than the hairy, smelly chap who lives under the bridge and eats children.

I still have not defined him satisfactorily in practical terms…but here is a random definition from Wikipedia which seems as good as any I have reasearched.

In Internet slang, a troll is someone who posts inflammatory,[2] extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room, or blog, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response[3] or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion.[4] The noun troll may refer to the provocative message itself, as in: "That was an excellent troll you posted."

While the word troll and its associated verb trolling are associated with Internet discourse, media attention in recent years has made such labels subjective, with trolling describing intentionally provocative actions and harassment outside of an online context. For example, mass media has used troll to describe "a person who defaces Internet tribute sites with the aim of causing grief to families."[5][6]

1. ^ Online 'Trolls' Target Family Tribute Pages. Sky News. Retrieved 15 April 2011.
2. ^ http://www.abc.net.au/am/content/2010/s2919105.htm
3. ^ "Definition of: trolling". PCMAG.COM (Ziff Davis Publishing Holdings Inc). 2009. http://www.pcmag.com/encyclopedia_term/0,2542,t=trolling&i=53181,00.asp#. Retrieved 2009-03-24.
4. ^ Indiana University: University Information Technology Services (2008-05-05). "What is a troll?". Indiana University Knowledge Base. The Trustees of Indiana University. http://kb.iu.edu/data/afhc.html. Retrieved 2009-03-24.
5. ^ "Police charge alleged creator of Facebook hate page aimed at murder victim". The Courier Mail (Australia). 2010-07-22. http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/queensland/police-charge-alleged-creator-of-facebook-hate-page-aimed-at-murder-victim/story-e6freoof-1225895789100. Retrieved 2010-07-27.
6. ^ ^{a b} "Trolling: The Today Show Explores the Dark Side of the Internet", March 31, 2010. Retrieved on April 4, 2010.
   

I cannot be certain, but I have a good sense of people and their personality’s types and groupings.

Including my own.

And I’m pretty sure I have Trollish tendencies.

I thought I might discuss why over the next few blogs...hopefully understand a little more about who I am and the way my mind works here, & on the Internet...

& who knows; you might learn something about yourselves you did not know.

TBC...

Wisdom Norman

If you dish out wisdom, but don't follow it yourself...you're a little bit disingenuous.

There aren't many things worse than people who do that.

It's like saying, "here, eat this.

I'm not gonna' eat that crap...

but you eat it.  It's all yours"

WTF is that?

It's easy to tell others how to live, what to do...

But if yr not living and doing it yrself?

Then better to keep yr trap shut.

I call it being a 'Wisdom Norman'.

I do it myself; say all sorts of stuff about how one should live, what to do, blah blah blah-de-blah...like some self ordained guru.

But then I forget to do the things myself.

I have to go back and read my stuff again.

(& that's not conceited or arrogant either, because it's not like it's mine. nothing new or profound in it.  it's usually just my way of saying what we would call collective wisdom. re-heating the wisdom of the ages. same stuff, different voice. there is nothing i discover in my navel gazing that some other navel gazer has not already found out before me.) 

So I go back and remind myself to try my own stuff, before I offer it to others.

Then it might be a bit more palatable.

I think if we all did that...

Things would be fine.

Senses of Perception...& Vice Versa.

Case in point regarding the melding of the senses; I just told someone I was 'listening' to their post, when quite obviously I was reading/looking at it.

And yet it felt appropriate & justified to me. 

Science might not agree with everything I perceive, and the way I perceive it...but my soul does.

This might make me nuts...but luckily that is about perception as well.

The Eye of the Beholder.

You see the world the way you want to, & I will do the same.

We might not reach a common truth...but there is a good chance we will find out own.

And in the end...what ealse really matters??

On the Way Out...

There are plenty of bells and whistles when you 'have a new friend' on FB; why are there no drums, bugles & fireworks when you lose one? 

It can be just as much a cause celebre! 

(a lost friend always seems to be a back-door affair.)

Now an actual divorce is another matter entitrely.

I worked the family court at one time, and that felt like an air strike.

And in matters of custody, oftentimes NO ONE could hide from the fallout.

The meeting, and the leaving are so interesting to me.  

Some people, however, just seem to fade away.

What happens to them?

That is possibly the most fascinating of all...

Like a ghost story.