Fear Sikh.

I'm pretty excited about tomorrow...

but also a little bit nervous. 

There is nothing to stop another nutter pinging off a few shots at random into the crowd at the Memorial Walk on Saturday- just like at the Sikh Temple last year. 

But like Johnny Blaze said- 'you can't be afraid of things'. 

ANY of the things. 


& that includes the Turbans. 


You see...

I better tell the truth...otherwise my word 'aint worth a damn. 


Whenever I see someone in a Turban or a Birka...

my heart rate goes up a few notches.


I tend to freak a little bit. 

I guess that is the media, the government, who have successfully demonised these people & indoctrinated us into believing they are all terrorists, and to watch out for them. 


I don't actually know anyone who wears a Turban, or a Birka.

I have never really taken the time to get to know them.
 

I am SURE they are nothing to be afraid of.
 

Which is why I am doing this.

In remembrance of those who died in the shooting at the Sikh Temple in Oak Creek one year ago...


& to reach out in the spirit of fellowship, community and understanding. 


I don't imagine that feeling of fear whenever I see a Turban will go away overnight...


But if I keep reaching out...

Overcoming my fears...


All that nonsense will eventually go away. 

Until there is nothing left but




LOVE.
  


http://www.chardhikala6k.org/

"Cant you do anything without posting about it??"

That was someone's post today.


My response??

John Warwick Arden can't we do anything and post about it without you posting about it?


But I didn't leave it there.

Couldn't.

John Warwick Arden my gripes about the post-anythingers? posting what they are EATING...& what they are WATCHING on TV. Who...dah fuck...CARES!!!!!! I care what you are CREATING! MAKING! WHAT YOU ARE BUILDING THAT WASN'T THERE BEFORE!! (sheesh. sorry.)

Ironic?

Sure is.


I post anything that occurs to my tiny brain.


But I can never resist a rant.

In the list of people you should avoid...

I would say I am DEFINITELY a bit of a drama queen.


LOVE drama!

Don't ask me why...don't know.

Why do my balls get itchy?

I WASH them, for heaven's sake!

Sometimes even TWICE a month!  Whether they need it or not!


Contradiction.

I love a rant...

& I am often ranting about hating people who rant.


Make no mistake...

If I rant??

It's never about you.

Something you might have said or did may have triggered the rant...


But you are not that powerful.

You are nowhere near as powerful as I am in being able to set myself off.


The fact is- & I have said it to many of those close to me...

I RANT because of some deep underlying dissatisfaction with myself.

That's the bottom line.


My father would kick the shit out of the family because he felt he had failed himself.


It's one of the oldest stories in the book.

I do much the same.

But it is getting better.


To be aware of the problem...to accept and own it...

Is half the battle.


The rant?

The little tantrums??


It's never about you.

It's me.


If I have a rant about people in the way I did above?

You can be pretty sure it is because

I...

am questioning myself.


Do I post too much?

Too frivilously?


DO I HAVE TO POST EVERYTHING?


Obviously- to some extent...

I do.


"I DO."

I am married to the word.

The only one who would have me.


I'm not so great with humans...least of all myself...

But YOU can walk away from me.

I can't.


So I married my mistress...

the word.


& man...I am PASSIONATE ABOUT HER.

Because she helps me cope with the human stew that is me.


Like any good partner...

She took me warts and all.

Just as I am.

In in her kind, gentle, patient way...


She is helping me be a better, more considerate, caring, patient man.


One day...

One post...

One BLOG at a time.


until i get it right.

Try Me a River.

It is probably worth nothing...

I feel I should point out, after some comments on yesterdays blog...

in case you hadn't worked it out for yourself...

My writing is OPINION ONLY.


Nothing more.


Just because someone puffs out their chest and speaks in an assured, semi-authoritarian manner...

Does not make their truth any but their OWN.

This is my truth.

If you connect with it...that is wonderful.


But I am only ever trying to make sense of the world and the way I fit into it...

Or not fit in...

Just like everyone else...since birth.


I am seldom if ever deliberately trying to dish out any universal truths.

It was NEVER intended to be some kind of New Age babble.

IMHO...the New Age is a new name for the Old Age.

Nothing new- it's the same stuff.


Neither is is meant to be amateur psychology.

Sometimes I admit it starts out like it...

But it unfolds into...

a kind of puzzle.


I especially liked yesterday's blog, because I had NO idea where it was going.

That is hardly scientific; or New Age.

I set out to write about one thing...

It quickly became something else...

& then it became something else again...

& it folded back over itself.

In a way...

It began as though I were making some kind of blanket statement about mental illness in general...

& it turned out to be an examination of me and MINE.


Sorry...but it's about me.

It's ALWAYS about me.

Who else could I write about with any authority?

I was talking about other people and the way they behave...

but it was me, and my behaviour.


My contradictory behaviour.


It was contradictory as hell.

And I LIKE that...

because IT'S THE TRUTH!

Most humans are CONTRADICTORY AS HELL!

I am one of the worst 'offenders'!!



So what is this stuff I write?

I have said a bunch about what it isn't.


I would like to think it is art...

but that is not for me to say.

Not qualified.


I am ONLY qualified to make this stuff...

whatever it is.

It's all I want to do.

I am DRIVEN to it.


"IMHO" is what it is.

ALL it is.

Nothing more.


Like I said...i'm not a psychiatrist

I don't care for them.

Even if it were actually possible to get in to see one.  


And my authority to speak on mental illness?

I HAVE a mental illness.

I have been told many times by many people.

& these are not psychiatrists...

So it must be true.


I am also of the opinion being a human being is a mental illness.

As I have said before...we are destructive creatures.

Only the mentally ill would allow war to happen,

& radioactivity...

& pollution...etc.


& much of my behaviour is not all that different.


But at least I am telling the truth about myself.

Admitting it.

Which is more than a lot of other people do.

& I am trying.

In fact...that is ALL my work is.


TRYING.


& I'm just fine with that.