I couldn't sleep last night.
How many times have I said that by way of introduction to a piece of writing?
Too many times.
Sometimes...I am insanely happy.
Sometimes...simply content with my lot.
Hopeful, and optimistic.
Other days...I am terrified.
Shit scared that we are sitting idly by while our future disappears down the plug hole.
I look back over my FB posts sometimes...
& it seems like my mood swings suggest something clinical.
Some sort of bi-polar disorder.
This of course makes things easy and convenient for therapists and analysts.
Makes people readily classifiable and catego-risible.
But I think it evades the real issue.
Some days I am optimistic.
Some days I am not.
Some days I am happy...
But then other days I fall back into depression.
And I naturally depressive?
Or naturally cheerful?
Both? Or neither?
I'll tell you what I think it is.
I think I am a person who WANTS to be optimistic...
Knows the VALUE to myself and those around me of being jovial and hopeful...
BUT I also know it is a LIE to deny those things which seem perched, ready to send the species to it's doom.
& who wouldn't be worried about these things that will send us all to our certain death?
A truly insane person.
& hence...in our doomed attempts to walk a straight line, while being torn from wild optimism to wild pessimism...
We feel perpetually unbalanced.
I would go one further; I am of the opinion that the emotional prevarication many of us experience in our day to day lives is a replication of the wild mood swings that can be seen in nature...
Seen occurring on a planet that is beginning to show the effects of the trauma we have put her through...
& she is sending the same trauma right back to us.
Right back to me.
For I can feel it- and it is keeping me awake at night.
I might not be insane.
Perhaps I am a sane person, reacting not unreasonably to insane things that are happening to the planet.
Insane things WE are responsible for.
I was lying awake, thinking of strange & curious things last night.
Mainly Fukushima, and the impeding financial crises.
Should I put my slowly eroding savings into Gold?
Nope...that has dropped 25% in value, and looks set to drop another 25% in the next twelve months.
Then I realised...what am I talking about?
Can I eat gold?
No.
It's basic, really.
I times of crises, when economic systems look like collapsing and our food, water and air are polluted by radiation...
These are not times to be looking at any other investment options but FOOD.
Clean, nourishing food.
Grains and oats, rice, tinned food, etc.
& shelter.
Supplies of fresh water.
It's getting time to hunker down and dig in.
I'm sorry to say.
That's the problem with those who are money hungry.
Even when there is lava in the living room...
The Loot Lovers are looking for the next investment opportunity.
Humans with souls know that without life...
There is nothing else to invest in.
By the time I did finally fall asleep at about 5am...after a couple of little helpers...
I had weird apocalyptic dreams.
I was heading out of a collapsing city (I think it was Chicago) for greener pastures, & I realise that on my way out, the roads were flanked with palm trees like the ones at the start of 'Apocalypse Now'.
I stopped to look at them...
& I realised the City of Chicago had created a Mayan theme park on the highway out of town.
Suddenly...I was swooped by a Police Chopper.
The Chopper hovered in mid air...& I watched as the thing hung precariously vertically, as if dangled by it's tail within the thumb and forefinger of God.
I knew they were in trouble, so I pulled out my camera and filmed it all.
After that...I woke up.
This is either a random piece of night time entertainment crafted by an overactive brain...
Or a cry for help.
