ON THE BRIDGE...

One thing I have learned over the last few weeks-

HATE has a half-life of Strontium 90.

Love can be a powerful force, sure- if we can be present enough, self-actualised enough to find it within us- but hate is so much more persuasive.

We as human beings simply cannot seem to resist it.

Even on a site called “Don’t Hate Me, But I Don’t Get This Artist …”

the siren call of ‘hate’ was simply too powerful. 

I mean- the instructions were pretty clear; the operative words being ‘Don’t Hate Me’.

It was the condition of membership.

The actual terms of the group changed somewhat, to shift focus from ‘artists’ we don’t get- & even that meaning was satisfied and established over time- to things in general life we do not ‘get’. 

Fair enough; but what remained unchanged was the actual condition of entry reflected in the name of the group; 'don’t hate the contributor’.

No matter what they say.

And I bore the brunt of that hatred- admittedly for my somewhat surreal, ironic expression of my inability to understand what purpose ‘post natal depression’ serves. In an evolutionary sense. 

(& I blame Dawkins and his writings for encouraging me to think in such audacious ways. 

Or rather, I 'attribute', rather than blame.

Because I am not ashamed for thinking outside the box; & I am inspired by intelligent, courageous, creative people who ask the hard questions. 

For it is they, the ones who outrage today, who inspire great social change tomorrow.

I am not afraid of outrage.

Nor should you be.)

My questions, to me, feel like the right ones to ask, in terms of helping people with mental illness,
& saving lives.

For the manner in which I questioned the way we seem to have accepted Post Natal Depression (ie not found a cure)  because it a WOMEN'S illness is the kind of thinking that changes preconceptions.

Mental illness is NOT just a woman's illness.

We are not working hard enough to challenge it, eradicate it...

Largely because we are not asking the hard questions.

We fear them.  Just as we fear mental illness.

And things we fear...we tend to hate.

I do not see what purpose hate...or mental illness for that matter...serves.

In Darwinian terms- both uniquely human afflictions seem to serve no other purpose than to wipe us all out.

This could not be more prescient with the suicide of Tony Scott this week.

Inoperable Brain Cancer, we learn today.

But I jumped to the assumption it was mental illness.

It's a persuasive mythos...we are so used to hearing it.

Everyone from Heath Ledger to Brittany Murphy...

Incredible film making talent- taken from us prematurely, like so many others, by an illness which serves no purpose but to wipe us out.

It’s a lot like hate. Well, it is; mental illness is built on the cornerstone of self-loathing.

Why loathe yourself when there are so many others lined up, goose-stepping in jackboots in close order formation to do it for you?

The question of the ages, left particularly when someone hurls themselves off a bridge.

Why?

And why would I make the assumptions I did??

'Was the hate too much for him?'

'In the city of hate…was he trying to escape the brutes?'

I make assumption. And we all know what comes of that.

Nothing good.

Indeed, I speculated in an arrogant way when I suggest he even HAD an illness.

Projection???

At least i had the presence of mind to surmise he 'was simply exercising his right to make an informed decision'.

Which it turned out, he was.

Brain tumour; no hope.

What about 'the hate tumour'? 

The world can be a horrible place.

There are times I have thought of ending it all, when the hatred became too much for me.

Why do I assume it was a mental illness, when it might simply have been enough for him?

When the world becomes too painful...why not check out?

Why prolong the agony?

Of course there will be people who will say I should not say this. 

They assume I advocate...

When all I am doing is ASKING THE QUESTION.

Seeing the issue from all sides.

You would be amazed by how many people hate that.

Especially religious fundamentalists, who are locked hard and fast into one way of thinking.

The thought of considering other possibilities is abhorrent to them.

Like the Scientologists. 

Who suggest, we all need to be 'on the bridge'. 

Perhaps I should follow Tony, & take them literally.

According to the Scientologist's themselves, from their website; 

'Man, in his religious tradition, has long imagined a bridge across the chasm between where one is now and a higher plateau of existence.

Unfortunately, many of those attempting to cross the chasm fell into the abyss.

How many times have I been tempted by that abyss?

Because of idiots like these Scientologists, who puport to peddle the solution to this angst?

By the hate, fear and loathing of those who follow the 'one true way'?

When finally, the only true way- the only way out from the madness...

Is to get on that bridge...& jump??

One day- I would love to satisfy myself once and for all.

I would love to start a website entitled “Don’t Hate Me.”

No, that’s arrogant- & impossible.

& I seem to be easy to hate.

I would call it simply, “Don’t Hate”.

Period.

And see how long it takes for the hate to trickle in, & how powerful that hatred becomes.

The ratio of hate over love, if you will.

I don’t want to second guess the outcome- that would be hateful of me.

And if there is one thing we can say about hatred- it is powerful, it is irresistible for most humans, it does last forever in many cases, & it WILL eventually destroy us before we destroy it…
We do NOT have to be party to it.

That is a choice.

As hard a choice as it can be for many of us…& one we must make- not once- but every single day, every hour, every minute, every second of our lives…

It is the most important choice of all.

To cross over the bridge of hatred…fear, loathing...

Or to jump off it.

The choice, as ever, is ours.

But love always waits for us, patiently, quietly, on the other side…