I tried three or four times to write this piece, but it just
wasn’t working.
I was trying to say too much…
& it was a mess.
& I was wasting precious time….
On nothing.
Much ado about nothing…
And THIS nothing Is something WORTH writing about.
I took a break from my book to get this down...
Everyone has their breaking point…& last week, I must
have reached mine.
I’m afraid I blew a gasket with the Gay Marriage
debate.
Like a Red Flag of Bull to a Bull…
And I wanted to get it all down.
For a variety of reasons.
One likes to make sure one has not just had an insane
tantrum.
I have noticed when something comes up on FB that upsets me,
or causes me to react vigorously…it touches something deep inside me.
My anger was not about hate…but love.
It’s nice to know that the way your react on the spur of the
moment…
Is something that resonates within every fibre of your
being…
& is not just a tantrum.
Indeed…whenever this happens…not only does it say something
about things I need to process in my work…but reflects things I need to
understand about myself.
My past…& creating a better future for myself.
And ultimately a better world.
So this is worth doing.
But it seemed to be a mess of ideas that could not find
their form.
Like my book.
Like my life.
The role of the historian is to find order in the chaos.
And any work I can do along these lines in my day to day
life…
Can only serve to help my ability to process the chaos in
the book…
And find order in the chaos that is my life…
The reconciliation of my life with the chaos of the world.
My brain wants to think- folly or not- that if I can find
order in the chaos of the world…
I can send that order, that peace, that tranquillity back
out into the world again.
Arrogant?
Plain wrong?
I don’t know.
This is about instinct.
And my reaction to the Gay Marriage debate was instinct.
Impulse.
And I needed to find a way to find order in the chaos of my
own anger toward the meaningless, futile debate ensuing.
So I started to write as if I were writing a letter to my
friend Francie.
Now...I am NOT suggesting that makes her supportive of my
position...
It simply means I find it easier to talk to her about these
things with a clear, decisive head.
She is a great friend- a perfect friend for me- because she
helps me steer clear of bullshit.
And I need that, now more than ever.
I am easily distracted by bullshit- & I can’t really
afford to be.
I have wasted too much of my life on trivial matters…
Lies my father told me, lies the
church and the state told me…
Blow jobs in the oval office, Anna Nicole Smith, slipped
nipples…
& so called ‘issue’ of Gay Marriage.
Simply put- I have nothing against ‘Gay people’.
I thought they were just people...but apparently not.
I might have something against ‘Marriage’.
I definitely have something against groups of people
changing their profile pics on FB to these manufactured flags and logos
advertising the latest cause.
Live and let live?
Indeed.
That also applies to me.
I believe I am worthy of it.
I resent people advertising these causes on my wall, without
my permission.
I am angered by it; the assumption that I would be in favour
of it.
Like Dirty Harry said, ‘I think you people have misjudged
me’.
I became overwhelmed by it.
It was like the jack boots were storming the barricades.
Panic attack.
I just saw red.
I made a comment about how seeing people marching under the
same banner made me nervous.
A lot of flag waving jingoistic bullshit.
Symbols are for the symbol minded, Carlin said.
It’s true.
People said it was in solidarity with their gay brothers and
sisters.
(none of the flag wavers were gay, curiously enough)
‘Solidarity’ bothers me;
for any cause.
Blind faith in anything can put a gun in your hand, and send
you to war- to kill and to be killed.
We have seen it time and again.
Blind faith can see ovens built by monsters to cook large
numbers of people.
I am VERY fearful of symbols, flags, and people marching in
solidarity.
Especially for something as dubious as ‘gay marriage’.
Civil action needs to be used very carefully.
Lest it’s currency be corrupted.
Marching for every little thing…
Making banners, flags and anthems for every social faux pas…
Causes fatigue on the minds of the populace, so that in due
course, like the boy who cried wolf…the REAL ISSUES sound like the bogus.
Confusion over clarity is the weapon of facism.
Confusion.
Confusious say…
This flag…a RED flag with two slightly less red sausages, apparently
signifying Gay right to marriage, is deepest red.
Stained with the blood of workers dead.
How soon we forget.
We can’t just hijack a colour that has soaked so much of the
planet and it’s people in REAL blood.
Red represents Communism and Bloodshed.
Marriage has I guess a little to do with the former, and a LOT
to do with the latter- because most marriages end up in either bloodshed or
broken hearts.
One wonders why anyone would want to be involved in such a
dubious proposition as marriage- doomed in most cases to failure.
But benefit of the doubt here…
If Gay people want to marry…
they CAN marry.
Does it matter that same marriage is not ratified by the
state?
Not to love.
LOVE doesn’t give a shit what you do in its name…
LOVE is not dependant on signed contracts & legislation.
LOVE is about feelings and emotions, and NOT about legality.
Or people marching under red flags in its name.
THAT is religion & politics you guys are thinking about.
Not LOVE.
LOVE cares not what you do…
What you sign…
What your flag, your country, your race creed or religion
is…
Just as long as you LOVE.
LOVE is not like GOD.
GOD- like the state- has rules and regulations.
Commandments.
LOVE just has LOVE.
Less confusing that way.
And LOVE is all LOVE wants of us- if indeed it can be said
to ‘want’ anything.
So…if this is the case…
Then all the HOO-HAH must be about something else.
Gay Marriage is NOT about love.
According to my research…
It is about bureaucratic and financial matters.
Money.
In the end…it all boils down to money, property, pensions
and financial benefits.
ALSO things that do not concern LOVE.
LOVE (unlike ‘God’) gives not the slightest shit how much
money you have.
And it makes my blood boil, how far Marriage has drifted
from any concept of LOVE…
To the point where it constitutes nothing more than a business
arrangement.
I say ABOLISH Marriage…
And let’s get back to LOVE.
Real love, that differentiates NOT from Gay.
Straight, Black, White, Hindu, Muslim or Animal.
Yes, animal.
I love my cats.
I don’t need to marry them to love them.
I don’t have a horse, but if I did, I would love it.
My imaginary horse.
My imaginary hobby horse.
Unlike this imaginary hobby horse of Gay Marriage…
At least my fiction is pleasant.
And doesn’t hurt anyone else.
And it is closer to a PURE impression of love than the
fascistic red flag.
What happened to good old fashioned storybook love?
What we have are a large number of sooks crying about things
that would have made Bodicea rear back her head and howl with laughter.
My favourite argument for Gay Marriage Ordination (or GMO)
is the one about…
’if we are not married…I cannot sit by my partner’s death
bed’.
Wow.
What resignation.
What surrender in the face of impediments to true love…
Ilsa and ….. from ‘Casablanca’ must be turning in their
graves.
Gram Parson’s FRIEND kidnapped his mate’s remains out from
under his family’s noses.
If I was ever obstructed from gaining access to my one true
love on her death bed by WHOMEVER or WHATEVER force…
I can tell you now I would think NOTHING of stealing into
that HOSPITAL or health care facility on my trusty imaginary steed…
or even creeping in Ninja style to kidnap her, and take her
to the desert to die.
THAT is what TRUE LOVE means to me.
Being with your loved one…NO MATTER WHAT.
To DIE to be with them.
What the hell has happened to romance??
What has happened to good old fashioned GUTS??
& I don’t mean waving flags invented five minutes ago
for the right to have your partner’s loot.
What happened to real guts?
Real love??
Having the guts to stand up to forces that want no part of
you, and say FUCK YOU???
I WILL GO AND START MY OWN CLUB??
To want to fight to engage in an antiquated ceremony that
has NOTHING to do with love…a ceremony that is a CONSTRUCT of the very organisation
that hates gay people the most- the Christian Church….
Is madness.
‘But John…that bit that says men cannot lie down
together…that is in the OLD testament.
Correct.
So is the bit about marriage.
A gay person wanting to marry is a little like a Jew wanting
to join the Third Reich.
The people that RUN the weddings hate you!!
And if you think they do not…
You are deranged.
The Government is run by self loathing hypocritical gays who
will NEVER let their own flock marry!
Who would WANT to be a part of such insanity!!
Find you OWN island of beauty!!
If you’re unhappy…
Go and see!
I know it’s not easy to break away…
Get off the grid…
But NOTHING worth doing is easy!
And walking away from the insane asylum is a damn sight more
worthwhile than trying to be another inmate!!
Why?
And it is an insane asylum.
Look around.
The homeless, the hungry, the miserable.
Ask any man in the street in any capital city, and ask them
what they think about Gay Marriage.
You will most likely be asked for a few bucks; because
chances are…the person is HOMELESS.
One in 20 households there are evicted every year. In
predominately black communities, that rate doubles to 1 in 10 families.
Ordinary, decent Americans are walking the street…& we
are chatting about set dressing.
I’ll bet if they were WHITE we would be marching for them,
instead of…
GMO.
All this talk about marriage, and people giddy with
impatience at the prospect of more paperwork, more bureaucracy, more RED TAPE…
While so many just want a meal.
I wonder if the starving would feel any better if Gay
Marriage was ratified.
I doubt it.
Bring me your poor, your hungry, your unmarried…
Right.
One or two other slightly more pressing matters on the
agenda.
Debating Gay Marriage is like Shampooing the carpets while
the house is burning down.
I cannot help but think something so vigorously, furiously
debated has not been planted by…someone in charge…to take the attention of the
public away from other more urgent matters.
Maybe this is a sleight of hand by certain government
agencies.
Nothing up my sleeve…
Smoke and mirrors.
How else could we explain such vigorous debate, such
rallying and banner painting over something so petty and insignificant?
Is this giving the people a little win, and achievable win,
so they will not feel quite so bad about the important losses?
Losses of freedom, and REAL human rights?
Like the right to food, a job, a roof over the head, health
care?
Or perhaps it is something even more insidious…a colourful
distraction to draw our attention away from something not being removed…but put
in place?
Something we would never in a million years countenance- something
that could not otherwise be facilitated WITHOUT a populace of distracted
drones?
We owe it to our children…
Not to mention OURSELVES…
not to be seduced by triviality, and light entertainment…
Fluff…
If there are those among my friends who cannot see how offensive
this blatant triviality is…
& the extent to which it has anaesthetised us to the
REAL issues of concern…
To the point we have lost all sensible perspective…
Then I do not care to rub shoulders with them.
I even went so far as to remove my friends…so I could remove
their flag.
I actually hesitated removing friends with this flag, in
case I removed readers of my blog.
THAT is offensive.
These are FRIENDS, not FANS.
& I don’t care to share air with friends such as
these.
This is a MORAL choice.
A conscientious objection.
Something to die for.
To LIVE for.
I don’t have anything against Gays…
Or Marriage…
Or Gay Marriage…
Live and let live.
And let marry.
But I DO care about being distracted from the REAL work.
There comes a time you have to stand up for your beliefs.
And FB is one of the last places you can do that.
I objected…so I removed all traces of the dreaded Red Flag
of GMO.
This invasion of my privacy…
my safe place for recreation from my work…
This beer fart in a space suit indeed DISTRACTED my
attention and my energy from my work.
Largely because I could not believe we were having this
conversation,
When there is REAL work to be done.
Dealing with the real crimes.
Making the world a better place.
NOT a more decorative, aesthetically pleasing place.
And pretty red flags signifying…
NOTHING…
We have little enough time left to write some serious wrongs
on this planet.
Frankly…
I MUST stay focused; keep my eyes on the REAL work.
I have fought hard for my sanity, my vision, my ambition to
do good work.
Meaningful work.
I CAN make a difference.
As much as I love my trusty steed…I can think of better
missions to embark upon than making her my lawfully wedded bride…
I shall leave you to chat about trivialities.
I’m going to plan my trip to MKE, to see if I can help out.
See if I can spend some time LOVING…
Feeding, helping, housing…
Before I even think about whether or not I should MARRY.
DAMN.
I have a long way to go- & a lot to learn about love,
and sharing, and peace- before I can contemplate even a STRAIGHT marriage, let
alone a Gay one.
A long way to go.
A long road out of the Hell of lies and bullshit…
To the palace of LOVE.
In the meantime, once this book is finished, in about six
weeks, I will be heading to Milwaukee to see if I can lend a hand.
Y’all can chat about marriage, taters, sod and whatnot...
But you can do it without me, thank you.
All the very best in the REAL world.
