I promised you truth in this blog...
so here it is.
I'm in love.
With a country.
Ever been so much in love...you just can't bear it?
Canadians have a generosity of spirit in such large doses...it's almost more than I can stand.
I was totally and utterly unprepared for it.
In part...I blame America.
I'm not sure why America is so unkind to them.
The pop culture denotes a certain degree of...animosity?
No, it's not quite that.
It is usually snide and belittling.
Much of what I have seen in the American estimation of Canada (& not just reflected in the arts) seems determined to denigrate, decry, deride, discredit, disparage, scorn, diminish, discount, downgrade, minimise, smear and squash what she has to offer.
It has almost by osmosis become a part of the cultural vocabulary with which I viewed the place.
I think on some level...I took America's word for it. Something I admit I am- or have in the past been- wont to do.
Who doesn't find America a tad on the persuasive side? If you don't agree with them...they tend to bomb you.
& I thought I loved her.
Am I just a cheap slut, ready to spread my legs for any country?
Not really; I mean, the US is pretty good, to be fair.
But it was just a warm up for Canada.
I guess I HAD to come and see for myself.
I'm so glad I did.
Canada does NOT 'suck'.
Set aside the geography for a moment, which I think is quite extraordinary...
Let's talk about the people.
They are just as I imagined human beings could be- in my dreamiest of dreamy utopian fantasies- but never really saw a great deal of evidence of.
What I am...
Who I am back home- I can pretty much blow out my arsehole.
And that in itself is not a bad thing per se.
It's just a flavour.
But here? It would seem the little I have, the VERY little I am, is of some great & significant value to those I meet.
They let me know it to be true, in thought word and deed.
I KNOW they actually mean it.
I have had smoke blown up my arse enough to know what is real, and what isn't.
This generosity is real. as real as it is possible for something to get in this grand illusion we call life.
That's not 'me' thing.
I would have known by now if I had that kind of inherent radiant brilliance.
It's about the people here.
I had heard, in slightly more muffled voices uttered from time to time from certain non-Americans...
that one can fall in love with Canadians.
I think Billy Connolly mentioned it in his doco on the country.
& I admit...a part of me was resistant to this idea- in the same way one might tend to brace oneself against hypnosis.
'Oh...this won't work on me'.
Well, you know what??
It worked on me.
I love them.
But it's hard not to when they show such love for me.
Why??
Why do they like me?
I'm actually quite a shy retiring fellow in person, very dull indeed, & in all candour, I consider myself a dolt and a dullard.
I'm actually a VERY mediocre chap, a little bit of an underachiever...
But you wouldn't think so to hear them talk to me!
Is it true?
Could it be so?
Do they actually lift me up on their shoulders? Elevate me?
Celebrate me?
I think they do!
& for what?
Because I come from Australia!
(they also seem to like my hat...a mundane and functional item I have come to love wearing everywhere, because it makes me feel...safe. Comfortable.
When otherwise...I would not.)
It is all I can do to fathom the enthusiasm- I find it perplexing!
(and yes...I feel I have an enormous amount to live up to!
I think a part of me is afraid I will let someone down...truth be told.
Childhood issues, I think!)
& you can see it in their eyes...their souls.
They take a genuine interest- in large numbers, every day and everywhere I go.
It's like the really good parts of 'Sister Christian'...wrapped up in a country.
I am having to re-think everything I presumed to know about the world around me.
Seriously. & for a country to cause you to do that...it's a very powerful thing.
So why do I even question it?
Perhaps it is simply that I don't believe it to be true.
I have had beautiful things taken from me before.
It might all be a trick!
Sneaky bloody Canadians!!
If so...then why don't I really believe that?
Do I not WANT to believe it?
Do I just tell myself it is heaven, because I want a heaven?
Or is it really the real deal??
I could die here right now and be completely satisfied...
Except I sense they wouldn't permit such a thing to happen to me on their turf!
Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine I would experience such a thing.
I was totally unprepared...totally.
I could get to like it...but God grant me the serenity to maintain my humility.
I still feel deep down that the attention lavished is truly unwarranted...and for a closet narcissist like me?
In the long run it may prove unhealthy!
I have to try to not get a big head...
but really, the warmth of the people...quite overwhelming!
I'm still working a lot of this out...
I mean, parts of this blog were lifted directly from a letter I sent to a Canadian friend this very eve!
But I feel as though, for the first time...
I can actually focus all my thoughts, my inspiration, my creativity into some kind of uniform vision.
I can jam everything into a book, a film...
a song or a picture.
I feel a sense of being on the verge of codifying a singular vision.
Like the maple leaf.
A singular, symbol of beauty.
Canada.
I love you.
