Troller Ball Part 3

For Melanie...

Human tendencies are often destructive.

Vonnegut said ‘human kind is running out of time. My guess is that we will not disarm, even though we should, and that we really will blow everything up by and by.’

He further suggested that perhaps we were put here for that purpose- to wipe every hint of life from the face of the planet- when he said;

"It may be that we were put here on Earth to blow the place to smithereens. We may be Nature's way of creating new galaxies. We may be programmed to improve and improve our weapons, and to believe that death is better than dishonor. And then, one day, as disarmament rallies are being held all over the planet, ka-blooey! A new Milky Way is born. Perhaps we should be adoring instead of loathing our hydrogen bombs. They could be the eggs for new galaxies."

Vonnegut was also a noted manic depressive.

Or perhaps even a famous Troll.

For this pessimistic, defeatist stance might be less a sign of mental illness, & more a sign of the Troll at work in our psyches to prepare us for our inexorable doom- our black manifest destiny.

“The human race is doomed.

Why fight it?”

When Christians speak of the devil…

Donald Duck’s 'evil' self…



We speak of the Troll.

Like the trickster- he is an amusing, puckish little character at times.

And that- of course- is part of the creature’s devious design.

He appeals to…something in our nature.

But his intent is sinister.

Like Gollum, looking for his precious…

He seeks to disrupt.

Even kill.

Spirits.

Feelings.

Possibilities of meaningful interaction with other people.

The Troll is the one who whispers in my ear that trying to relate to other human beings is folly.It is better to fuck with them.

As Goethe expressed in ‘Hypochonder’;

“The devil take the human race!

Enough to drive you crazy!

Time and again I swear to God

I’m finished! Through! With people.”

Who at one time or another- possibly even constantly- has not felt this very same way about other human beings?

Who amongst us cannot understand this frustration??

And yet, is the frustration not with US as much as them?

Are we not all connected?

Is the‘WE’ not INSEPARABLE from ‘they’?

Is destruction as a means of assuaging our frustration with people/self what we really want?

Not what I want.

If we are doomed- I want to be the one fighting for a future for your children.

The cultish poetic allure of self-destruction is just TOO self-indulgent- even for me.

Which is why I seek- over the next few blogs- to show how I drew him out; he who seeks to destroy others…and in the process…me.

Just as it is important to acknowledge our inner Nazi- we would also do well to come to terms with our Inner Troll- in order to rectify his toxic tendencies.

For how can we hope to fix our planet, if we do acknowledge and fix the deleterious aspects of our own character?

This is what I decided to do last week.

Hopefully to understand him a little better, the subtle ways in which he can draw me toward destructive tendencies on the Internet…and in the outside world…

& what can be done to exorcise him/them.

& who knows; you might find you share a similar inclination.

First task…to understand him.