An Asbestos Flack Jacket for those Going to Hell...

If the fundamentalist image of God is one who is all seeing and all knowing and can do & create or destroy anything, 'he' can stop ALL the misery in the world.

It is THAT simple.

That 'he' would have some higher knowing or understanding beyond our ken, & is somehow 'testing' us, is nothing more than Vivisection.

Torture.  

That 'he' does not intervene in such terrible suffering would be like a mortal parent allowing a criminal to come into their home and stab their children to death. 

This is abhorrent to even the feeble minded, and all but the deranged.

I want no part of such a cowardly human being, nor such a deranged God. 

If I am sent to Hell for not beliving in such an omnipotent scumbag- then I look forward to rubbing shoulders with other like-minded souls who believe suffering is wrong. 

I will gladly burn for all eternity to uphold the dictum that allowing others to suffer is CRIMINAL.

Althought I may at times fall short...MY religion is always KINDNESS.

'It is not that simple, John' I am told by Theologians.

Well...my God is simple, and can be understood by even the most moronic and brain damaged amongst our flock; for my God is LOVE. 

And the devil is quite simply...

LIES.

MY DAILY BREAD

Every day is a learning experience, if you are able to open up and receive.

Sometimes these lessons come from the most unexpected of places; but typically, they come from people who you just KNOW have wonderful things to offer.

 

This is for my mate Dave- part thanks, part apology. 

 

I'm not sure how long I have been mates with Dave- I haven't looked it up- but it feels like a long time. 

 

I feel like he has been there forever.

 

People speak of 'old souls'.  Maybe he is one.

 

Maybe I am one.

 

Who cares; the point is...

 

I am always happy to see him. 

It reminds me of Eric Oldthwaite's Father’s attempt to explain to Eric how some people are just a pleasure to see in ‘Ripping Yarns’.

‘Oh, there goes such and such…isn’t it grand to see him!’

A very child-like, innocent country style emotion.

The child in me thinks Dave is pretty cool.

When I was a kid, there was a guy in my class who was just simply ‘cool’.

His name was John Betros, and he was so hip. I admired him and his musical tastes immensely.

He introduced me to grass for the first time.

He came back from the city with the first punk haircut in our little country town.

Dave is like him, in a way.

(the coolness, not the dope thing; I don't know if he smokes dope, shoots heroin or juggles cats. but i do know he loves good music and is a terrific man)

Yesterday, when I saw him, I lit up like a Roman Candle and began to spout my adoration...

But before long, I realised...it was too much.

The adult in me realised...

That the child must have made him feel a bit uncomfortable.

If you are in any way empathetic...you get a sense from people.

He is a humble fellow, and I know NOW myself when people shower me with compliments...

I feel uncomfortable too.

In my case...I feel unworthy.

So today I am thanking him for his company, and for being a friend to me.

And I am also apologising to him for yesterday, when I took it a little too far.

The best lesson of all. 

Empathy.  Understanding.

Humbling.  

 

I give thanks for the gift of enlightenment. 

But, as if that wasn't enough...the gift just kept on giving.

I also remembered WHY I was so effusive with Dave.

 

This takes me back to my childhood.

When I see Dave and people like him- the child in me lights up.

It’s like children with mental disabilities; I have seen them hug one another.

Society has come to regard such open displays of affection as either a mental disorder, or the province of canines.

When I was so glad to see Dave...& the embarrassment I must have caused him...

I was reminded that this is the child reacting.

Plain and simple.

It was funny how I said what I said, and then felt a twinge of…

Remorse?

I wasn’t certain why I felt this, until another party had a shot at me when he said I was ‘buttering him up’. I suspect he was just making sport, and I don’t think any less of him for it- he’s not a destructive soul. But it did remind me how expressions of genuine affection can make certain parties very uncomfortable indeed.

Even angry.

When I was a kid, so starved was I for love and affection at home, I would try to reach out to other kids. Much as I did Dave.

I remembered how, the class bullies would tease me for it, and call me a ‘suck-hole’.

Then they would drag me into the toilet and dip my head into the bowl.

I was a piss-weak child; that’s all there is to it.

I found it hard to defend myself against this kind of behaviour.

I was indeed a lover, not a fighter.

As I grew older, I toughened up, and learned to fight. I came to love violence.

I killed loving feelings- drove them from my heart.

I was conditioned to it by my environment.

But now, I see myself reverting back to my natural state.

A loving state.

And imposing MY will on my surroundings.

Expressing myself in the way that is best for me.

My point?

I had forgotten this about my childhood. It was yesterday’s exchange that reminded me.

Bringing up painful memories? Yes and no; because although it was painful- it DID remind me why I feel a pang of remorse when I am kind to people.

And if you can track back the reasons for these strangely dichotomous feelings- and dismiss them for the absurdities they are- then you can take a clear run at embracing your natural inclinations without a trace of shame.

This exchange was a gift.

Every day I learn something about my triggers…

& can work toward removing them…

Is a day well spent.

It’s a gift.

For someone such as me who had my childhood taken from me, I guess I am reclaiming certain things from my childhood as being ok.

 

I think somehow, on some level I have given myself permission to react as a child.

The child that was beaten down with the violence of home life.

On the other hand...as I am learning...just because I am coming to certain realisations...

This does not mean I can simply behave as I see fit at the exclusion of the feelings of others.

This would be the definition of selfishness- no matter HOW healing it is.

The gift of understanding comes from grasping the complexity of the situation.

 

And finding some simplicity in it.

 

My lesson, is to be grateful to people, try to keep the child respectful of others.

But if the child pipes up with excitement to see you any of you…

I hope you will understand, and take into account.