...
I should stress none of this behaviour I referred to in 'Default Setting' is our fault.
We are a species under extreme pressure.
You can feel it. I think we all do.
This kind of selfish human behaviour means we are getting down to the wire, and the consequences of this pressure upon us will manifest in our conduct like night will follow day.
Hard times breeds hard people.
People with mental illnesses living homeless on the street?
Are you kidding me?
That's punishment for being sick.
& it's silly as hell.
The world has gone mad.
And if you think I'm going to join the New Agers in their 'Circus of Denial'...
Sit cross legged in a circle and pray the hate away...
Forget about it.
I can't see it.
So...you see...
Human unreliability is not a jolly hobby;
it's tactical necessity.
Anthropology 101.
Survival.
Scarcity.
Co-operation is becoming- and has been for some time- a thing of the past.
In this world of profit, consumerism and every man for himself...
Hmm.
I would like to think love will prevail...
but my money is on the utter savagery.
I can see glimmers of it in my eyes,
You can read it like a large-print book.
A kind of desperation.
as I struggle to find some...
Sense of community.
Belonging.
We have made it a little hard to find.
In a bar in downtown Montreal the other night...I was chatting with someone in a setting which is about as close as most city people come to some kind of communion.
We both agreed...most, if not all human beings are looking for...
Connection.
And we are not finding it.
And this is making them angry.
The way things are is making ME angry.
I think it might be driving us a little nutso.
I don't 'hate people'.
I can't do that.
I hate what has happened to us.
And I can see it in people's eyes.
In my eyes.
Looking at the photos of me marching against Monsanto.
They look tired.
It has been a long hard struggle.
So we march...
Are unified in the common cause for as long as it takes to get from one part of the city to another...
Then we all go home again.
I looked at the photos of the day...
Looked into my eyes...
They look tired.
I think I'm running out of hope.
Like Werner Herzog said, 'running out of fantasy'.
That miracle I promised you?
A few months ago?
I told you I believed I could find a miracle.
A place to belong.
A sense of...community.
Frankly?
I think it's my own personal Santy Clause.
Insanity Clause.
It's like turning your back on science to worship fantomas.
Smoke and mirrors.
I am turning into a smoke person.
I am one of the smoke people.
A zombie, looking for...
a miracle...
& it has turned into my own personal cautionary tale.
I'm running on fumes now...
& all I can hope for now is a soft crash landing.
Somewhere...
Lotta' rumblings out there about folks letting other folks down.
Come along now, people; we've been over this before.
if you think anyone owes you anything (respect, courtesy, love, decency, reliability, money, kindness)...
you are nuts.
Unless they signed a contract?
They don't owe you squat.
& even then...
there are myriad ways to default on a contract.
People default on me in one way or another almost EVERY day.
If I let it bother me?
I'd be in the booby hatch.
I survive by falling back on my default setting.
& I write myself a nice fat reality check.
Most folk are puffs of smoke.
I don't invest in puffs of smoke.
Nor do I let them choke me.
& the ones who aren't?
are what we in the business refer to as 'miracles'.
& if you think Rome was built on miracles...
You are probably silly enough to think it was built in a day.
Folks aren't there.
Folks don't care.
So set yourself free...& get used to it.
Or check yourself into fantasy rehab.
Everything has to be a drama for most humans.
(me included.)
Not sure why. I think that's just the way it is.
We rail against...
Those things we cannot change.
The things that may need changing.
But we filter the action in the wrong direction.
Action...
without focus...
Is DRAMA.
A kind of impotence.
It looks busy...
Suspenseful...
But it is sound and fury signifying...
nada.
Insanity.
Then there are those peaceful souls who mostly watch the drama unfold...
look on in amazement as we, the discord addicts, kick the holy living shit out of everything.
& each other.
It's like a cockfight.
Madness.
Sometimes as I look at the trail of destruction...
& I think I'd like to change spots for a while.
Watch it from a distance, rather than be in it.
but I can't seem to help myself.
I was born into it.
When the blood is up...
I can't resist.
Well...
Sometimes I can.
That's when I am the audience...
& the participant in the drama.
at the same time.
& I think, 'this is nuts.'
I can make a choice.
When it all goes to hell...
don't look at them.
Look at me.
Sometimes...
I feel like Cassiel.
Or Damiel.
Documenting human desperation and desolation...
From a distance.
All the while...
Trying to keep my own from breaking out...
and running screaming,
naked down the
street.
I travel to see this.
A homeless blind guy and his dog.
Don't ask me what the hell this has to do with anything.
I could think forever...
and still not come up with a good enough answer.
I just like it.
My eye...
my camera is always drawn to this kind of thing.
The beauty and the madness of living on the street...
Exemplified by...
Some guy stopped and gave the dog an apple.
At first I thought it must have been a rubber ball...
But it was an apple.
The dog didn't know what to make of it...
But you know what?
It seemed to make them both happy.
I don't think I have a clever ending for this.
All I can say...
All I wanted to say is...
I came...
& I saw...what I wanted to see.
I wanted to see this.
A homeless blind guy...his dog...
And their apple.
An apple of this type, each day...
Will keep MY doctor away.
(pour CC...)
She's not homeless.
She had her home stolen from her-
She and her tribe.
No wonder she's yelling and screaming in the street.
Ranting and raving.
Lost...and alone.
If I had a nice home, a nice way of life and it was taken away from me...I'd probably wander the streets lost as well.
Hmmm...
Just a short note to let you know...
when you bullshit me?
You are talking to a bullshit master.
I'm not proud of it- But it's the world I was raised into.
Now I have chosen to walk the straight and narrow- the Razor's Edge of truth and redemption-
I can hear your bullshit loud and clear.
Sometimes I am even aware of it before you are.
Maybe you haven't woken up to your crap yet, like I have.
Not my business. That's YOUR journey.
BUT...before you go thinking you have some kind of power over me- I'll get you to think again.
Don't you see...YOU and YOUR bullshit are my Karmic comeback?
Whether you were born and fell into a big cow pie of bullshit,
or whether you took some kind of classes,
or got a degree in it...
whether it was forced down your throat or you took to it like a duck to crack...doesn't matter.
You bullshit others...
you bullshit yourself...
you wake up?
You will have to pay.
That's the deal. And I know it.
I had my nose rubbed in it, and yes, it's a lonely, dirty road.
The thing is...you and your bullshit are MY payback.
& I accept that- which is why I am not bitching and complaining about you.
I'm just letting you know I know the way it is.
So if you think you are punishing me somehow...
you are not.
I had this coming.
& if you wake up to your bullshit?
Then it will be your turn.
I hope you have the grace to see the karmic backlash as I do.
Because the truth will ALWAYS set you free...
Namaste.
