Un-chained.

This was a tough piece to write.  It's an indictment not only of men, but of myself. 

How we as a gender see 'beauty'. 

I wrote it because I saw something that haunted me last week; and this is a response to that. 

I was haunted to such a degree, because it reminded me of some things inside me I have still not yet come to terms with. 

Anger, fear, jealousy, selfishness...to name but a few.

However, I like to think this is a hopeful, healing piece that has helped me to exorcise that demon. It also serves as a companion piece to run concurrently with some themes explored in my book. 

I could not have done it alone.  Thank you to my friend Celladore Violet who has helped me a great deal with some things I have wrestled with all my life. 

There is nothing wrong with passion, or fire...depending upon where that fire is, and who gets burned.  Controlled fire can be of enormous value...and a very beautiful thing.  Balance, control  & letting go of those impulses that seek to devour, demolish & consume...hold the key to our transcendence.  

I hope this is of some value to you, man or woman...



What is it about a man?

That he cannot appreciate beauty without seeking to covet, possess, devour or exploit it?

What is it about our species that we would catch a butterfly, kill it and mount it in a display case in a museum?


What is it about our gender that we are so driven to hunt, capture, seduce, and destroy ANY thing of any kind of aesthetic value?


We seem hell bent on owning things.


To have and to hold them.


As long as we shall live.


Is not an integral part of the beauty of the things we pursue with such lust, such inexhaustible fervour, not their fleeting nature?

Their transience?


The fact that they are...

Temporary?


Perhaps it has something to do with a denial of death. 

The very idea that WE are temporary, too. 


We assuage this upsetting idea, and dull the pain of the reality of it, by holding down, fastening and tying

ANYTHING that takes our fancy.

By so doing...are we not in some way DESTROYING it??


& inevitably, undeniably destroying ourselves?


Our very souls?


And I am not just talking about butterflies here;

This can apply to things inanimate, as well as animate.


What about art?

What is it about art that drives so many to purchase at auction, mount and frame a work of art then seal it under lock and key?

Instead of allowing it to be seen by the masses?


I doubt it has anything to do with the beauty.

Art appreciation for these people is about the dollar value- not the aesthetic value.

It's a power play.


Is there anything more vile than profiting from the passion, the creativity of another?

Putting something in a vault, seen by no one, until it increases in dollar value?  And then letting it out again in order to collect the profit?


This is obscene.

 
It's like real estate.

Nothing is as unreal as 'real estate'.


We own NOTHING.

We merely enjoy it for a while, and then we die.

Why then do we seek to capture, posses, & control beauty?


Art is for everyone. 

Not just a few. 

 BEAUTY is for EVERYONE.


That we should seek to own, posses, traffic and profit from it is a complete abomination. 


We are now drifting away from the inanimate, back to the animate.


The real. 

The living, breathing, walking, talking, thinking, feeling beauty.


That of womankind.

What about the ownership & possession of the fairer sex?


And I am not only talking about the slave trade here.
 
There are so many forms of enslavement. 

As many as there are minds to formulate the intent.

And carry it out.


How many times have I heard it said of men when they fall in 'love' with a woman...

It so soon becomes about power?

Enslavement?

Control?

Dominance and submission?


I recently heard of a man who was so jealous of his girlfriend, and the attention she attracted...

That he killed her.



Basically, I think we can surmise his thinking was,

'If I can't have her all to myself...no one can.'


Total, utter, complete selfishness.

Pathological. 


This incident stuck in my brain.

The woman in question...I can still see her face.

It haunts me.

Of course it is a terrible thing to happen...

NATURALLY I find that haunting.

But there is another reason I find it so disturbing on a basic, fundamental level.

If we men are honest we will know...


that there is a little piece of this bastard in all of us. 


I know there is in me. 

& for that reason...

I knew, sooner or later, I was going to have to deal with this in a blog, and today is the day. 


But thankfully, I don't have to do it alone. 

I have some help.

Here is a beautiful woman. 

Celladore Violet.

If you are a male...

(or a female of bisexual or lesbian persuasion)

Tell me that this woman doesn't excite something in you.

Some moment of...

Entrancement.

Captivation. 

Yes...desire.


And tell me this feeling, however fleeting, is not about...

How much you would love to be with her.

To have her. 

To...show her off.

& take her home.


Forever.


Admit this feeling, however transient, and we will have something to work with. 


This feeling is nothing to be ashamed of. 

It is a sensation that is much older than you. 


Excuse me, US.

It is many thousands of years older than us.


And this feeling, this whole dilemma, illustrates PERFECTLY the reason why I began this blog in the first place.

One of my favourite minds, Richard Dawkins, the noted Biologist and Atheist, said the following, and it has been the cornerstone of most of the work I have done here;

“Be warned that if you wish, as I do, to build a society in which individuals co-operate generously and unselfishly toward the common good, you can expect little help from biological nature.”

OK then; so if this is the case, what can we do to overcome our base nature?  He has an answer for that too; 

“Let us try to teach generosity and altruism, because we are born selfish. Let us understand what are our selfish genes are up to, because we may then at least have the chance to upset their designs, something that no other species has ever aspired to.”

Upset their designs.

Perfect. 

A selfish, primal beast can devour anything, and leave it for dead.

We have it in our makeup, if you like to rationalise.

But if you aspire to a higher place, a better way of living...

A more CIVILISED way...


Then you have no alternative but to make the hard choices.


The sometimes painful choices.

To talk back to our instincts.

Our base inclinations.


But we do NOT have to do it alone. 
  

Believe it or not, women are NOT our enemy.

That is some bullshit we worked up in our own heads.


It's old thinking.

Fuzzy bullshit.

Women want to help us.

What they don't want is for us to take advantage of their better nature.

If you truly want help with this...

Then ask. 


It's as simple as that.

But you better not have an agenda attached.

Nothing will fuck you up quicker than reaching out for help in the spirit of a genuine desire to evolve,

Then allowing that beast to turn, and rear it's ugly head.

We need teachers. 

Every once in a while, we are sent angels to guide us.

This is my sensei.

My teacher. 

We have like minds. 

We have a bond.  

A connection. 

And as hard as it might be to believe it...

It is not exclusively sexual. 
 
I have something to learn from this woman.


I can love her, appreciate her, enjoy her in the moment...

Then I can let her go.


She teaches me how.

& the more I do it, the better I am at it.

& the better I am at LIVING.


I have been with many beautiful women...more than I deserved.

And frankly?

I lost all of them because I did not know how to relate to them.


Quite frankly, all bullshit aside, my primary thinking with each one of them was NOT a gracious appreciation for being with this woman in the here and now, but...


'How do I keep her?

How do I hang onto her?'

Basically- how do I treat her as property.

Own her. 

Keep her all for myself.

This is the worst thinking of all for an evolving soul.

If one aspires to a higher state- we need to learn to overcome our baser inclinations.

To rise above specious notions such as ownership and possession of beautiful things.

In short- in order to achieve transcendence in our lifetime...

We need to learn to let go.


Remember the three questions we should ask ourselves on our death bed?

- How well did you live?

- How well did you love?

- How well did you learn to let go??


It's all about letting go.

Letting go will inevitably help us to die better...

But more importantly- it will help us to LIVE better.
 

We need to be MUCH better at releasing our vice like grip on things, AND people...

if we are to alleviate the suffering in our lives. 


Our suffering...

And the suffering we cause others.


I'm not so sure about marriage as an institution.

I get nervous when people start talking contract.

It's like a sanctioned version of slavery.

 
How many marriages so soon become about control?


Obligation??


Enslavement?

Being mounted in a display case,

or imprisoned?


By being subservient to these archaic, anachronistic notions of human interaction and communion...


WE are the ones who are enslaved. 


My motto is,

'I let you go, in order to love you better'. 


Can we not learn to appreciate beauty for what it is?

Fleeting?


What of these gorgeous mandalas the Buddhist monks create on the floors of the temple?

They work all day, sometimes for days and weeks on these things...

Then sweep them up again.

What of that beautiful woman in the street, on the train, in the bar??


On the internet???


If you cannot see the beauty in this...

The inherent beauty of the transience of art...

of beauty, of life...

of other people (especially women)


Then you are not free.


Until we can learn to appreciate beauty, in all it's glory, without then seeking to satisfy a weird urge to own, possess, control or exploit it for our own profit...

Then we will NEVER be free.